Intro to the Women’s Restroom

I thought that since the women’s restroom has been a hot topic in the news lately, I would provide any newcomers to the ladies loo a quick synopsis of what to expect.

Overall, women are just as gross as men. You wouldn’t think so, but the inside of the little girls’ room is just as nasty as the place where the dudes go. Sure, sometimes we have mouthwash, little mints, nice-smelling lotion, and every once in a blue moon, sometimes for no apparent reason, there’s a restroom attendant inside who does useless things like hand us a paper towel when we are fully capable of doing it ourselves and then for some reason expects a tip for such a useless thing.

Some fancy ladies rooms have these sitting rooms when you first walk in the door. There’s usually some kind of lounge chairs inside, looking somewhat comfy and inviting. Perhaps there is a ficus or some other large-leafed, tropical plant. There might be a table with an upholstered chair, suggesting that you come fix your makeup there. Back in the day, a golden ashtray stood nearby. Ladies probably used to congregate in here, smoking cigarettes from those fancy cigarette holders. They probably wore silk gloves. Last time I checked, no one does that anymore, unless it’s Halloween or ComiCon.

Nowadays, those lounge chairs look out of place. Why would I want to stay here longer than I need to? The only thing I’m doing in here is taking care of a bodily function and maybe making sure my dress isn’t tucked into the back of my underwear before I leave. If I want to lounge, I’ll put on some yoga pants and do it at home.

Your typical ladies room has none of those frills, however. If we’re lucky, we have a tampon machine. I’ve never personally had to use the machine, but I have to imagine that what’s inside would be made of chunks of fiberglass and cardboard. You’re welcome for that little visual.

So picture your typical mens room, minus the urinals, plus the tampon machine, and perhaps minus a few pee stains on the floor. That’s one thing I’ll say about the ladies – we usually make it in the toilet.

But …

I’m not kidding. It’s gross in there.

Take, for instance, the restroom at my office. It never fails to surprise me how my fellow ladies are total pigs and don’t clean up after themselves. One thing that drives me nuts is the sink. There is guaranteed to be a huge puddle of water covering the surface of the sink. I really don’t know why or how this happens. But I always grab a huge wad of paper towels and soak up as much of it as I possibly can. Of course, the next time I’m in the restroom, the sink is right back to being waterlogged. If I fail to wipe off all the water, inevitably, I lean against the sink and get a nice waterline right near the crotch of my pants which ends up looking like I had some kind of pee accident.

So here’s something I never understood. If someone forgets to flush the toilet, and you’re the next person to walk into the stall, WHY don’t you just flush it? What is going to happen to you? Lots of women will see an unflushed toilet and make a hasty retreat to the next stall over. What’s the big deal? If it bothers you that much, then just take care of it. People make mistakes and forget to flush sometimes. I’ll just flush it. Unless it’s overflowing, which sometimes it is, I don’t feel violated by flushing down someone else’s pee and TP. I consider it a public service.

Paper towels are a problem. If you miss the trash can, can’t you bend down and pick up your paper towel? Apparently some ladies in my office cannot. I get that you might not want to touch the floor. But there are sinks and soap just steps away! That is just pure laziness.

I don’t care if you don’t clean your bathroom at home on the regular. That’s your business. But when you’re at your place of employment, some protocol should be in play.

Anyway, my point in divulging all this is to say that I really don’t care who is using the restroom with me, as long as they aren’t a pig and can clean up after themselves.

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