So I’m over here just going about the business of, you know, living my life, and then this little fucker decides to take up residence in my window.
That, friends, is a funnel weaver (not actually the one in my window, because I was not getting close enough to that bastard to take its pic). It’s a charming little spider that weaves a goddamn FUNNEL WEB OF DEATH. And it did so on my window sill! Its little vortex is full of the remains of its prey – namely stink bugs, small children, a micropig and possibly cattle.
So I am offering my house and everything in it to anyone who wants it. First come, first served. I am willing to walk away from it, and take my family with me, because obviously I don’t want anything to do with this abomination. How is this a thing? As if normal, octagonal-ish web-spinning spiders weren’t horrifying enough, there’s one that makes a funnel? #nopenopenopenopenope