Ways to Immediately Gross Me Out

I don’t know why any of you would want to do such a thing, but if you are looking for the fast track to grossing me out, here are a few that will do the trick in a jiffy.

Describe the cause of a paper cut

Nothing gives me the heebie jeebies faster than hearing about someone getting a paper cut. I can feel the paper slicing through my own skin, every time. Bonus points: show me the paper cut.

Even more bonus points: show me a surgery scar and attempt to describe the surgical process for as long as you can until I either run away or faint.

Peel away a bandage

On a similar note, I don’t need to see what’s underneath your cast. Or even your Band-Aid.

Ranch it up

Waft an open bottle of Ranch dressing under my nose. I will commence dry heaving immediately. Can’t stand the stuff. My kids love it. When they have Ranch on their salad – or veggies – I basically handle the dishes with an extreme amount of caution. If a drop of ranch so much as touches me, I will basically attempt to amputate the body part affected with the heinous creamy glop.

In case you’re wondering: no, I do not like Cool Ranch Doritos. Gag.

Have Bad Breath and be a Close Talker

It’s messed up that we can’t smell our own breath most of the time, because most of us would be horrified at the smell we were giving off. If you smoke, drink alcohol, drink coffee or eat garlic/onions, or a salad with a hearty helping of Ranch, don’t fucking breathe on me at any time. Especially if you are a close talker. Back ‘er on down. Personal space: it’s for everyone.

Throw Up

Something about seeing/hearing/smelling vomit makes me want to vomit. I don’t feel like I really need to justify myself here. I’m usually ok if I see it on TV because I know it’s not real and I can’t smell it. It’s when multiple senses are engaged that evokes my gag reflex.

And??

I’m sure I could come up with more, but those are good for starters.

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