Hands On

I think I’m in love with my chiropractor.

There. I said it.

He’s young and hot, so there’s that. But holy crap, does that young man know his way around the human body. He has the most gentle touch when it comes to manipulating my spine. Doesn’t that sound dirty? Maybe not.

Today was the first time I’d seen him in a month. Prior to this appointment, I’d been seeing him regularly – three times a week at first, then down to two, then once a week, then once a month. As it had been some time between appointments, when I walked into the exam room wearing my sexy medical gown that velcros in the back, he asked if I had missed him. I said an overly enthusiastic “Of course!” And then immediately felt like a sixth grader.

We got down to business and he started shoving my spine back into place, which is not the most fun part of the appointment. The fun part is the end, when he twists my neck around.

There’s just this thing he does where he sweeps my hair off of the back of my neck, and it makes me forget that I am wearing a wedding ring. Today, as he was preparing to do the neck thing, he had his hands back on my shoulders, and Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” was on. I had closed my eyes and heard the lyrics about people falling in love in mysterious ways; maybe it’s all part of the plan OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. The man is doing his job, and I’m just some chick in a gown, and I have on my ugliest black flats, and all my makeup has come off during the day and I haven’t bothered to reapply it. Who would want this hot mess? I feel like a perv now.

I don’t know how I would feel if the guy was a troll. Maybe I’d be creeped out by him and I wouldn’t enjoy it. Maybe he’d do the neck thing and I’d like it and then I’d be creeped out that I liked it. Then I’d wonder what was wrong with me.

But honestly. I would literally pay my guy just to do the neck thing. Over and over. Not the cracking part, because that part kind of sucks. But the sweeping the hair back thing. With the Ed Sheeran playing in the background. And maybe with the lights out. And maybe with his shirt off.

Ladies, take it from me, all of us who aren’t married to, or dating, a chiropractor, someone who possesses this wealth of knowledge of how to touch a woman, WE ARE DOING IT WRONG.

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